Wordfull Wednesday

My Worst Fear is..............

Flying!

( Click on the photo below to see the detail. I took the photo on a camping trip while reclining in a chair one evening in the late fall. I wondered at the time, what it was like for the people on the plane........what were they seeing, where were they going?? )

I have never flown in my entire life. I have never boarded a plane or even sat in one that I can remember. All I know is this, I have had a fear of flying since I was a small child. I mean very, very small child. Where this fear comes from, I can only guess. But it lurks within me, my fear of flying! The smallest thought of flying does odd things to me........panic sets in, my heart rate picks up and goes wacko, the world tilts, I get dizzy and feel the need to run, run, run far, far away..........I'm not kidding, its bad!! I'm afraid I would fail one of those, "we can get you over your fear of flying" courses.............I would be like Meg Ryan in the movie French Kiss and go crashing through the door of the flight simulator. They would refuse to give me my money back because I would have destroyed the inside of the fake plane while trying to claw my way out! On my 10th birthday, we had lots of family over for a day of fun........my birthday falls on July 4th, so it was a good time to have a fun summer get together............Uncle Bill flew my Grandpa, Nana, Aunt and cousin over for the day. He offered to take me up in the plane later that day. I was excited at first.......we drove to the airport, I saw the plane and I refused to go up for a flight. I remember that in a very vivid way. The same thing happened in college........Hayman has a friend who owned his own plane.......they were all going flying........I made it to the airport.........then I stood frozen to the ground with all sorts of horrid images flashing through my head...............Hayman and friends flew off into the wild blue yonder and I stayed behind with my fear. I drove home, shaky and defeated, then I waited by the phone for Hayman to call for me to come pick him up from the airport. When Hayman's mother had her heart attack several years back.........he flew alone to AZ. to be with her...........I watched him board that plane, taxi out and take off..........the kids thought it was great fun to watch all of that.........I had vivid crash scenes running through my head.........I could barely drive out of the airport that day. The amazing thing that day was the fact that it was a three hour drive for us to get home and when we got home, there was a message on the machine from Hayman........he was already safely on the ground in AZ. Wonders of all wonders........I just can't get past the fact that my body must leave the Terra Firma, the safety of the ground, in order to experience such fast and speedy travel. I would much rather drive to where I am going..............and I know what the statistics are about driving, don't even tell or remind me or I might never drive again..........just kidding......well maybe.

Okay, so Hayman now works for Mr. B. and Mr. B. can fly a plane. They have offered to take me up for a flight...........I have thought about it a lot........but I'm so afraid that I will repeat the past......drive to the airport, stop dead in my tracks, horrible crash scenes flash through my head and there I stand frozen to the earth once again. I will be 40 years old soon.........maybe it is time I face this fear and win! ( I'll think on it..........and don't even get me started on my airplane dreams..........I don't want to go there and I might scare some of you!! ) Or maybe I am just not meant to fly and never will.............only time will tell.

(You should hop on over to Chocolate on my cranium and check out her Wordfull Wednesdays. Also you should see the photo she did.......it really does look like poor Countrychick when she sees a spider. )